What If? Read online

  My job at the time was to tell the vicar that she had died. I walked over the fields, very sad and alone, it was winter and quite dark too as I remember and when I arrived at the vicarage, his wife was very abrupt with me. I stood there and calmly told her if she could possibly pass on the message to her husband that my sister was dead, I would be very grateful. Then I walked away, angry, hurt, shocked all the feelings in one. I think she called after me and I ignored her.

  We were all suffering – it was a terrible time in the family’s history. I think my father felt worst of all after what he had said to her the other day. I know my sister never forgave him as years later, my aunt decided one day to clear her wardrobe out and found presents that my father had given her, still unopened.

  Mary was buried with my grandfather at the local churchyard.

  Following my sister’s death, my father decided that he would adopt Michael, who at the time was one year old. Probably guilt was felt on his part.

  Tom went home to Denton and apart from the odd occasion, when there was a family celebration/funeral etc. I never saw him for several years.

  Chapter 3

  Early Teenage

  When I was 14, I had extreme pain in my legs, feet and hands. I was in London with some friends of my parents when it first started. I couldn’t get out of bed and Mo, the lady I was staying with, thought I was pulling a fast one. I came back home and the pain went on for weeks. My ankles and legs became swollen and it was very difficult for me to walk. At night, I used to go to bed with a jug of water, a glass and Disprin that eased it a little. I couldn’t even bear to have a sheet on me. My mother intervened at this point and actually took me to the doctors. I saw a consultant rheumatologist and it was diagnosed as rheumatoid arthritis. Spent three months in hospital whilst they filled me with drugs. The iron injections I had in my veins caused my hands to be black.

  I was in the Devonshire Royal Hospital; it was a fascinating hospital. It was built in the 18th century and had a dome larger than St Pauls in London. There were also spa baths on the ground floor. I was told that the dome was the fourth largest in the world. The town where I was born, seeped in history, beautiful Derbyshire stonework, mainly from a bygone era.

  All the wards were on a balcony overlooking the hall below. I remember feeling so much better afterwards. I was able to walk easily, whether it was rheumatoid arthritis, I will never know, all I do know is that I was able to function normally again.

  When I was discharged from the hospital, my father decided I had to go and live with them; no explanation was given. Everything I had known from being a child had been wrenched away from me. I wasn’t allowed to go and see my aunt or grandmother. It was almost as if it was their fault that I had been ill.

  My mother was very kind to me; I think she was trying in her own way to make up for all the years I had lived with my grandmother.

  My father remained an enigma to me. He was very strict, very knowledgeable, though. He could talk for hours on any subject, a strict conservative, would not even listen to anyone’s point of view on the subject of politics. He was in the Royal Engineers during the war, which was a much-regimented unit. He was in the 189 Railway Company that landed in Algeria in 1942 as part of ‘Operation Torch’. They then moved from Tunis to Italy in 1944, where they supervised the building of a railway line. In mid-1945, the railway between Bologna and Verona opened which meant that the route from Rimini in the south northwards to Milan was then open. There was a transit camp near to Milan where the passengers were sorted out for railways across Europe. He had sustained an injury to his leg, a gunshot wound where he always used to say the pellet was still there. He was very well thought of in the unit and gained several medals.

  Personally, I think he missed the army way of life so much and do not think he liked the responsibility of a family. I know in 1958, he joined the AER (Army Emergency Relief). He used to go each year off to camp. I know he used to collect Hornby railways. He kept them in a wardrobe; I found out years later that he bought them, but they were not played with at all, but kept in pristine condition in their boxes. They would be worth an absolute fortune nowadays. He was also very strict when it came to giving blood and used to contribute on a regular basis.

  He also loved animals; at one point, he had picked up a stray dog that someone had thrown out of a car window. He brought her home and named her ‘Lucky’. She was a Jack Russell Terrier and was very gentle. A couple of weeks later, she produced five puppies, and he then proceeded to distribute them around the family, whether they wanted them or not! He did love that dog. It proved that he could be gentle. She adored him, too, and used to follow him around. My mother once said he was better with animals than people!

  When I was 16, I went to college in Brentford. It was like finishing school without all the trimmings. I must say, we did learn a lot though and came out from there, able to cook decent meals and entertain people and how to keep a cool head at all times. Basically, we learnt how to keep a home and family happy plus many other things like music appreciation, electrical wiring and repairing of household appliances. We slept in a dormitory at the top of the house and I do remember thinking at least I had company which was all new to me.

  The staff were very forbidding. It was a Jacobean manor house built in 1623. I know it has three staterooms; the rooms on the ground floor have lovely plaster mouldings. At the time, I don’t think that we appreciated the building we were in, but it certainly looked very imposing. I think it has been opened to the public over the past few years. I haven’t been back but would like to one day make a visit. It was set in its own grounds.

  Shortly before I was due to leave to do my year at Sheffield University, my father came to see the principal, sat and had afternoon tea with her and a few of teachers, whilst my mother and I went for a walk in the grounds. He then informed the principal that I wouldn’t need the bursary I had applied for and they could have it, as he would take care of me. I distinctly remember seeing him coming out of the office with a big smile on his face and the principal, the same. He could certainly turn on the charm when necessary. They obviously thought he was wonderful. My mother raised her eyebrows when she saw them. I became very unpopular when I said I needed the money, as I knew he would not support me. I feel sure he had decided that I should return home and be under his influence.

  This, I was determined, was not going to happen.

  I had a boyfriend at this time at home that wanted to marry me, but I wanted a career, so he found someone, married her and immigrated to Australia! Bit drastic but still, he was a lovely boy and we could probably have been happy together, I will never know. I remember him very fondly.

  In 1963, I attended my grandfather’s funeral in Chesterfield. He was a family man but very strict, or that was the impression he gave. I have been told, since that he used to keep money under a tablecloth and one day after he had sorted it out, counted it, etc., he must have dropped a sixpenny piece on the floor. His youngest son, Steve, who was about four years old at the time, saw it and thought it would be a good idea to use it to buy a spinning top he had his eye on in a local shop. This he did, but then didn’t know where to hide it until he found a shelf in the coal house. My grandfather found it and proceeded to put it above the mantelpiece where my uncle could see it every day but couldn’t have it, as he couldn’t reach it! Tough justice! There was also a time when his eldest daughter, who was about nine years old, was looking after the three younger siblings and decided that she would cook for them. The wallpaper went alight, fortunately, she managed to put out the fires, but the wallpaper was scorched. So she managed with great difficulty to find the wallpaper roll and proceeded to put it up. What she didn’t realise was the fact that the paper had been put on upside down and she got a tanning on her bottom for it.

  Granddad, who was nearly 90 years old, died in October and Grandma, who was 83 years old, followed him six weeks later. They must have cared for each other very much.

  Chapter
4

  From there, I finished the course, got through it with flying colours and decided that I wanted to work in hotels as a career. I applied to a hotel in my hometown and got a job as a general assistant. This involved everything, from checking the rooms, bar work, restaurant supervision to making a gentleman a sandwich one night and being in big trouble because I cut the ham too thickly and the owner caught me! I must say this owner of the hotel was so like the Basil of Faulty Towers; it was unbelievable.

  During my stay there, I met Ian, the son of the local quarry owner. He belonged to the Round Table. I thought he was lovely, very sophisticated. We saw each other for a few weeks, went out to pubs and restaurants and were very happy together. One day, I was called to the office, and there was a man there who turned out to be Ian’s father. He stood there, must have been six-foot-tall looking down on me, informed me Ian was married and wanted me to take a cheque and not see him again! This was quite a shock to me; he had forgotten to tell me! I stood there; my eyes were flashing. I am sure and I should add they are very expressive dark eyes. I tore up the cheque in front of him, letting the bits of paper fall to the floor and walked out never saying a word. The owner stood there and said nothing. I was really angry that day, I didn’t want to stop seeing him but felt I wasn’t being fair to his wife, so I gave in my notice and left the hotel. I was so besotted with Ian but couldn’t risk everyone turning against me. Many tears were shed over him. I remember he bought me a small silver bangle. I lost it years later but have never forgotten it.

  I worked with Pamela there. One night we went out for dinner, with a couple of young men who were staying at the hotel for a conference. I seem to remember we went for dinner and had to say goodnight outside the hotel, as we were not allowed to fraternise with the guests. I never saw the person I was with again, but Pam kept in touch with hers. Over the years it developed into more than a friendship, but he was married. I think he promised her the world as she stuck with him until he decided to leave his wife and move in with her. They never married but for 30 years she waited. Then came the day he ran off with a woman, who he had met whilst they were playing bridge. Needless to say, she was heartbroken, particularly when he married the other woman and then Pam found he had left her in terrible debt that she had to sort out. The only joy she got out of it was the day years later. She looked out of her window to see an elderly man walking down the path. When she opened the door and he was there. She looked at him and said what do you want me to do? Cry or hold a party? And slammed the door on him. She never heard from him again and then she heard that he had died. That woman had waited all those years, been through hell during that time, but didn’t feel that she could leave – she loved him!

  From there I spent two years in Lancashire, just north of Blackpool. I loved it there, the air was so fresh and clear. The North winds used to blow along that coast, the sea used to look wild. I used to walk along the beach a part of which I claimed for myself, my beach! Used to think there, mull things over and always came back feeling better.

  The hotel where I worked used to have all the 1st division footballers staying there whilst they did their training. Each manager was very strict with them. They had to be in bed by 10 pm and they would check each room thoroughly before they went to bed. One of the players who was married, fell so deeply for one of the receptionists, he would spend so much time trying to speak to her. I caught him one night sitting on the stairs; he couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to know. He was completely besotted with her. I often wondered what happened there.

  It was during this time, I met George who had travelled from London to see his brother, who was in school in Lancashire. The night we met; we went to the Tower Ballroom for dinner. It was so nice and we got on really well. He had to return to London the next day and we promised to keep in touch. He had apparently come over from East Africa, been to school in Somerset and was now working for his father, who had recently sold his sisal estate. He came from a Greek background and his father used the money he had made, to buy a cargo ship.

  Sometime later, I had taken a job in Chester. I had still kept in touch with George and we used to talk to each other regularly. Then came the day when he asked me to go away together for the weekend! At first, I agreed, but then I chickened out and decided not to go at the last minute. He was not happy at all but because of the way I had been brought up, I was worried about being on my own with him for the whole weekend. If it had been now, I would have asked about sleeping arrangements, but I guess I was very shy at that point. Oh, the innocence of youth! I had had very little experience of men at that time in my life.

  Forward a couple of months and by this time, I was working in Liverpool. One Saturday morning, I was sitting in the office and I rang him. Talk about coincidences, the following weekend his father’s ship was docking in Liverpool and he was coming up. We met, had dinner and sat on Liverpool Pier talking until 4 am. We seemed to hit it off instantly. I then went back to my flat that I was renting, packed my case and left with him! I guess I had fallen for him by this time; I thought what the heck. He was very good looking and I took the risk. We headed to London and I remember listening to a song on the radio There’s a kind of Hush all over the World Tonight. I always think of that night whenever I hear it now. I just found it on YouTube and it does bring back memories!

  As we came into London, once again I panicked! Thought to myself, what have I done? However, my parents had friends that I managed to stay with overnight, so that got me out of a sticky situation! I had no idea where George was planning for me to stay that night. I guess he must have had something in mind, but I never questioned him. It wasn’t the thing that one did in those days.

  Chapter 5

  London

  The following day I went to an agency and got a job as assistant housekeeper at Quaglino’s Hotel Maurice. This was a small exclusive hotel in St James, all the stars and royalty used to frequent the restaurant. It had been quite famous in its time. Mind you, this was the late ’60s and London was buzzing. There seemed to be music everywhere, young men were busking on the streets – the hippies were there with their colourful clothes – Carnaby Street and the Kings Road. Good times.

  One day, I received a call from home, telling me that I had to get back to Derbyshire as my grandmother was dying. I, of course, went across London to St Pancras to catch the train and, several hours later, was met at the station by one of my uncles and taken to her house. When I arrived, she was in the ‘sitting room’ in bed and was obviously dying. I put my arm around her and she died. Everyone said she was waiting for me to get home, which was probably true, as she wanted everyone there when she departed this world! As this was Saturday night and the undertakers didn’t come out at the weekend, I looked at my mother who shook her head and went home. She did come back after my father had had a word with her, but was very reluctant; there was no love lost there. One of my aunts passed out, the other one was sick, so I looked to another aunt to help me, I was sure she would. She was married to my uncle James who had taken me to school that first day. We washed her, put a nice clean nightdress on her and laid her out. She looked quite sweet on reflection. So tiny, but such a force! I stayed for the funeral but then returned to London.

  Ian also came to see me once. He turned up at the hotel out of the blue. We went out for dinner that night and when he left, he wished me luck with George for the future. He did apologise for his father trying to buy me off some years ago!

  This was a good time in my life. During these years, George had to take three months away from London. He went on his father’s ship to Africa, where he was born. Mostly, I remember him complaining about being seasick as they went around the Cape. I just busied myself with work during this time as the hotel was very busy. The weeks went by quite quickly though, but I did miss him dreadfully.

  George and I took a trip to Greece together when he returned to London. He drove all the way, through Belgium, Germany, Austria and Yugoslavia (as it was
then). This was where I saw girls coming out of factories without shoes on their feet, which was really the first time I had seen any poverty. I felt very guilty as I sat in an e Type Jaguar, with a man who was obviously giving the impression that he was very wealthy. We spent a month there, where we had fun, laughter etc.

  Visiting George’s relatives and friends was quite interesting. I enjoyed it. I met some lovely people and am sorry now that I didn’t keep in contact with. I stayed in a hotel in the centre of Athens and one day I decided I would go to the archaeological museum that I found fascinating. Unfortunately, I very nearly got myself arrested en route back as I was taking photos outside the Government building, which I was not allowed to do. However, I smiled sweetly at the guards and they let me off.

  I did meet Inge though, a young Danish girl, who had married a Greek, and had three children by him. She was lovely, but didn’t paint a good picture of life in Greece at that time.

  The journey back was very uneventful until the cigarette I was smoking, fell into the back of the car (the roof was off at the time) where George had put all the olive oil for his mother! That caused a few harsh words to be spoken!! I reminded him of the two of us cleaning our teeth in a cool mountain stream in Austria – didn’t help at all, needless to say. The thought that his beloved car could have gone up in flames was too much for him.

  Life carried on; I was very busy at work. George was studying to become an accountant and by this time, his parents had moved from Notting Hill to Bayswater. We used to love going to the Playboy Club for the evening and then on to the Hilton for breakfast. It was good to be able to dress up and go out to a club or restaurant for dinner. The steaks were really good and I remember we always had prawn cocktail to begin with!! This is what was done in those days.